Sunday, October 18, 2009

Santa's Slay Review (2005)

Back in 2005, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, was fresh out of the gates of his transition from wrestler to film star. This was also the year that he decided to leave long time producer and friend Vince McMan in favor of Disney. Before finding now second-rate movie star John Cena, McMan and Co. were cycling through some wrestlers they thought had some form of potential. Thus, Santa's Slay was born, one of the few roles designed to break Bill Goldberg into the bussiness of film.

Firstly, I would like to point out the sad irony that the film already bestows upon itself before it gets started. Now, I'm not racisit at all, but I thought it was genuinly hilarious that Bill Goldberg, a Jewish ex-wrestler was playing and evil Santa Clause. I just thought that I should point that out.

The story of Santa's Slay, though not wholly original, is still better than expected, just wasn't pulled off very nicely. 1000 years ago (from 2005) the devil had his first and only son. Santa. (Get it Santa, Satan.) One day, while Santa is on one of the few frozen over areas of hell, and Angel descends from the skies and is willing to make a bet. If the Angel wins, than Santa must be nice to all the children for 1000, making a holiday of his mortal enemy's birthday. And if Santa wins, the Angel must give up his wings and serve in Hell for all of eternity. And sure enough exactly 1000 years later Santa is back, and ready for some mayhem. Three people set out to stop this killer clown, A crazy old inventor, the only person who truly knows of this secret, the inventors son Nicholas, and Nicholas' girlfriend.

Now its obvious that this movie isn't really made for story. Not many movies, horror or non-horror are these days, but horror is one of the cheapest genre of films to make, and usually make a ton of cash. This pile of doke went straight to DVD, realizing that its pointless story wasn't worth the $7.50. The story was fun, and fit the film well enough, I mean its a slasher about Santa, you should know what you are getting into. This is one a few films that tried to mimic the success of the Silent Night, Deadly Night films series after their 80's time frame. And it honestly shouldn't even be held in the same category as that film.

The acting in this film was terrible by all, not one single saving grace hit the screen at any moment. Santa was over-acted (possibly intentionally so) by Bill Goldberg, and the rest of the cast is made up of unknowns, and never-should-be knowns. Robert Culson does an alright job as the crazy old inventor, and it sadened me to see Emilie de Ravin of Lost doing a movie such as this. Also, the film has some great cameos (Roll over to see) Including but not limited to...James Cann and Fran Drescher

The film does have a decent amount of kills, violence and gore. I enjoyed the use of common household holiday items to enforce a small bit of fear. Some of the kills were very grusome, creative, and looked good. Bill Goldberg is simply big, strong, and powerful enough to play such a violent and vile charecter, but just because he can doesn't mean he should.

Santa's Slay was written and directed by David Steiman, he hasn't done much since this tragedy. I honestly thought, with it's decent story, that Santa's Slay might live up to the films that inspired it from the 80's but it simply did not, and I should have known that. Bill Goldberg was not meant to be an actor, and thats why he no longer does, the cast was terrible, as was the dialouge and script. The direction had a little bit of a head on its shoulders, but showed little potential. Creative holiday kills and thrills is all that saves this falling into one star sorrows.


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